The Writing on the (Bathroom) Wall
by Telemancer
Summary: There's a famous bathroom on the college campus. It has stalls and sinks and everything. But it has something more. There's a wall full of messages, telling a story. A love story, to be precise. It begins with a sketch of a softshell turtle and one single comment. A. Ham x J. Laurens (There's an in-passing kiss! Ahhh!)


**Not sure how I feel about this fic but I posted it anyway because WHY NOT. - Mancer**

There's a dilapidated bathroom on the college campus.

It has stalls and sinks and towels and trash cans and everything.

But it has something more.

It has a story.

A love story, to be precise.

There's a wall full of messages.

People rarely actually use the bathroom, instead they just read the notes there.

The story begins with a sketch of a softshell turtle and one single comment.

 **That's a fabulous drawing of a really** **unique** **turtle. Nice job. - some guy who truly needs to learn how to eat and sleep**

 _Hey thanks! It's a softshell, not an alien. :) You should really get on that sleeping and eating because it could be dangerous if you don't. And because you wrote this message, you have a brain, and since you have a brain you could make our world a better place, so I don't want you to die. - the guy who drew the turtle_

 **Of course! What are creepy anonymous college guys for? (The obvious answer is stalking, but be more creative. ;)) Also, I'm working on it. Or at least, I'll start working on it soon. Maybe. Probably not. Aw, you don't want me to die! So sweet! Just for that, I'll eat a sandwich and then go make the world a better place. Although I'm not sure it can get any better if you're in it. - a guy who doesn't want you to die either**

 _According to this conversation, creepy anonymous college guys are for flirting with. Because damn, you are really putting it on heavy! Not that I'm complaining though, any guy who writes like you has to be at least a little my type. (My type: not creepy, at least a little gay, clever, quirky, I could go on.) I'm glad that you're working on not dying, that's always good. And reaching your last sentence, can I just say: asdfghjkl; I have a crush on your handwriting & words. Also, you write in purple pen. I can't. It's too cute. - a guy who probably needs to get some common sense_

 **I probably need some common sense as well, considering my reaction to my fitting all of your type requirements. (I did a victory dance. In a crappy - see what I did there - bathroom.) I'm fairly sure I'm not creepy, I'm pan going on super gay (I blame you for this gay development), I'm the most clever *hair flip*, my friends say I'm "unique" and "quirky", and please do go on. Or maybe don't because what if I don't fit. :O As for YOUR last sentence, says the guy who drew a freaking softshell turtle and writes in cursive. Also, if you have a crush on my handwriting and words, does that mean you have a crush on me? *crosses fingers* Because I have a crush on the human incarnate of your messages. - a guy who is nervously and excitedly awaiting your response**

 _I want to see this victory dance. Is it adorable? I bet it's adorable. Is it more adorable than your toilet pun? I'm also excited that you fit the type but I would like to say that I came up with it on the spot and I haven't been interested in enough people to have a type so… About the crush, I'm sorry but I really don't know you. However, I love your messages so keep writing them please! Aw, I'm flattered that you like my comments and that you're nervously/excitedly awaiting them. Maybe that means you'd like real life me as well…? - J_

One, this is the cutest thing I have seen in a long time. Two, I recognize that handwriting! If the one writing in purple pen got that pen as a Christmas present, really likes coffee, and wears his hair in a ponytail, we are having a CONVERSATION. In all caps! - E (the platonic wife)

P.S. And just to make this easier on you, "J" (I think I know who you are! But don't worry, I won't tell him. :)), my friend who you're flirting with is cute, smart, and not a stalker. I would know, 'cuz I've dated him before! But no worries, he's free as America now, and I've found a pretty lady who's arguably even more pretty than A. If J is who I think J is, you two should DEFINITELY fu-, I mean date!

 _E, why thank you. You enjoy your "CONVERSATION". And also, I've never been happier to see the word platonic. Never. I'm very glad that A isn't back a stalker. And that you're not dating him. I'm not sure about ME dating HIM yet but... Maybe. - J_

 **E, I should have known you would find this! I'll be in your dorm after classes and we can discuss the adorableness that is this elusive "J". No matter how much I want to know who you think he is, I won't ask. But only because you are a literal cinnamon bun and I don't want to upset an angel. Or two angels. Since I'm talking with J and E. ;) Now go away so I can shamelessly flirt in peace. - A**

 **My dearest J - it is ridiculous for how long I considered putting a comma before your name. Finally I decided against it, reasoning that I'd rather not scare you away. Anyways, I don't know how adorable my dance is but I am 100% sure that it isn't as adorable as your messages. Although it hurts that you don't have a crush on me, I'm glad that you're clever enough to not. Because, once again, I could be a creepy stalker despite what E says. And while we're on the subject of E, I'm now sure that I'd like real life you because E is a very good people reader. Hey, by the way, J (I rhymed!), I was wondering how you feel about meeting. In person. Or exchanging phone numbers. I promise that I'm not going to hurt you in any way. I solemnly swear. It's just… You seem really amazing and I've never been one to let an opportunity pass. Consider it. Please. And if you say no, maybe we could exchange a few hints? You already know to look for a guy wearing his hair in a ponytail and holding a cup of coffee and looking real cute like I always do so maybe you could return the favor? I mean what if you're actually blonde? Awkward! If you say no to everything it's totally fine, I'm just this kind of person. The kind who runs everywhere. I… move fast… I could also just tell you who I am if you want to know and you can do whatever you'd like with that information. - A**

 _A… Your message is hard. I understand why you're asking me, but I'm the kind of person who needs to be dragged everywhere. I hate change. Maybe it's because I've never really been into relationships as much as the people around me. Some of my friends suggested that I'm ace or something and the definition fits, but I don't know. They're probably right. But it's hard to identify as something you don't really know when you don't know what you don't know, you know? I just sort of always said I was gay. I am gay. But it was hard enough to say that so I never went farther with identifying. I guess it's just the combination of me being naturally shy in some situations, society being stupid, and me having no experience ever. A, you seem really amazing too but I can't. Yet. But I will say that I have brown hair. Please don't be mad or sad or anything at me, A. I'm so sorry that I can't do this. I just want to keep writing these messages because they make me feel adorable and it's like some fluffy meet cute fanfiction. We'll meet sometime, I promise. Changing the subject, because that's what I do, some guy just ran into me. Like, it's fine bro, but maybe I deserve a little more than a mumbled apology. Eh. Whatever. I'm sorry again, A, that you got stuck with the one guy who won't give you his phone number. And I feel bad asking this without giving you anything but… A, what's your first name? - J the failure_

 **J, dearest J, it's fine. It's totally fine. You can do whatever you want. I'm sorry that I asked. Well, I'm not sorry that I asked. Worth a chance. But I am sorry that you reacted like this because you're not a failure, J. You're this cute guy who draws cute turtles and writes the most amazing messages and improves my life without me even knowing your name. As for my name, it's Alexander. I usually go by Alex. And I just want to say, J, that your name is really rhymable. But that's not actually what I wanted to say. I wanted to say that I will always be open to your phone number but I really don't want to push you. Just keep talking, J, that'll be enough. We can talk about anything. The stupid Senators. 127 Pomeranians. The weather. I'm willing to talk about the WEATHER with you. Don't be sorry for anything. I should be sorry for running into people and barely apologizing all the time! I never thought about it! But, I promise, I'll now forever apologize profusely. - A**

 _Alex. Huh. Cute. I like it. ;). Well, Alex. I'm John. And I took twenty minutes to write that. Please don't try to find me yet though. Alex, I'm trying so hard to do this. Give me time. Meanwhile, I'm glad that I got you to be a better person! Ha, what if we ran into each other. That would be priceless. I doubt it though. And even if we did, the guy didn't even look at me and he ran off too soon so it's too late. So… What do you want to talk about? On this bathroom wall that everyone can see? If we ever get together, this is going to be a painful beginning. - J_

 _P.S. I forgot to tell you but E texted me. She's a total cinnamon bun. If I were straight… And Alex, I have my suspicions on who you are but I'm just sort of ignoring them. Sorry._

 **I apologize in advance for this but… Alex x John. Cute. Really cute. Nice to meet you, John. Thank you for your name. And don't worry, I'm not looking. There are too many people named John at this school. Sure, maybe I tried to bribe E, who is the definition of a cinnamon bun, with a homemade chocolate cake. It didn't work. She just gave me a hug and then ate it. Oh my gosh, if we had run into each other… I would implode. But not really. And thank you for making me a better person. I like you better every message. So therefore, you have all the time in the world. Wait…. You know who I am? Do you think I'm cute? Am I hot? Do you hate everything about me? Am I annoying? Sorry, sorry, sorry. You're ignoring it. Okay. One more scream. (AH, don't you love how my initials are a scream.!) J, my bae (rhymnesss), no more apologies! Have a great day/night/tomorrow/life/whatever. - Alex 3**

 **P.S. Wait, I just realized that we go to the same school… How have we not seen each other in the bathroom?**

 **P.P.S. "If we get together…"**

 _It is sort of cute, isn't it…? Nice to meet you too, Alex. Thank you as well. For everything. And I don't know for sure who you are, but like I said, I have my suspicions. There are four Alex's here. I'm fairly sure that you're the third one but again, no confirmation. The other's seem a bit unlikely though. Alex 1 is a girl. Alex 2 has a shaved head. Alex 3 is cute, hot, completely likeable, and only a little annoying but it's still cute. Alex 4 is similar to the above Alex but seems too tall. I always imagined you as smol (small but cuter)... Alex 4 was also seen drinking tea at the_ _café I frequent and you prefer coffee according to you and E. So yeah… I think I know who you are. Alexander Hamilton is sort of a famous name around here. - J_

… **For the first time in my life, I am speechless without a good reason. I don't even know what to say. Congratulations, I guess? I'm sorry, I am truly incapable of speech/writing right now. - Alexander Hamilton**

I come here to innocently take a shit and I find Alexander Hamilton flirting with someone. How do you do this! Everywhere I go! How do you flirt with someone on a bathroom wall! It's a BATHROOM! People poo here! Sooo romantic. - Pegs (and in spirit - Maria, Burr, Theo, Ang, Laf, Herc, and THE WHOLE WORLD'S POPULATION)

 **Shush, Peggy. Alexander Hamilton can make anywhere romantic. Your sister AND your girlfriend can vouch for that. Please don't tell Angie I said that. - A**

 **It's been a day. A whole DAY. J, where are you? I've been past patiently waiting before I was bornnn… Are you okay? - A**

 **Now it's the afternoon. I told E to text you. She said you didn't respond. Are you sick or something? Maybe you're just busy. Either way, D: - a worried A**

 **You must be upset. Probably at me. John, come back. I'll make you a cake if you do. A big one. I miss talking with you. I miss YOU. - A**

 **E says you aren't dead because she's seen you around and you've texted her. I'm kind of hurt, J. Why aren't you responding? - Alexander Hamilton is really worried about you**

 **It's been two weeks. I haven't talked to you in two weeks. John. Please.**

 **Well. I guess this is goodbye. I am sorry for messing this up. I will miss you. I think I'm in love with you. And I never even got your full name. - a guy who just w** _ **ants to talk to you one last time**_

 _Alex - It's not goodbye yet. Thursday night (tonight), 7 pm, library. I'll explain everything. I'm so sorry for not responding. - a guy who has no idea what he's doing but just this morning decided to screw it and take a leap like you always do_

 _P.S. It's Laurens. John Laurens. And I think I like you just a little bit too._

For many, the story on the bathroom walls was unfinished, incomplete.

But for those lucky enough to read the newspaper exactly two years and one day later, the tale was wrapped up perfectly by a short article that was mostly semi-inappropriate pictures put together by reporter Angelica Schuyler.

Famous activist John Laurens proposed to Senator Alexander Hamilton last night. After waiting for the two to stop kissing in celebration, a breathless and blushing Hamilton said that the wedding would be held as soon as possible. In the progressive Senator's eloquent words, "mguphimnkisheh". As soon as Laurens removes his face from his fiancée's, we'll ask Hamilton what he means by this profound statement.


End file.
